a "doc" chronicle

I've been busy this week: reading, re-reading, writing, revising, searching, researching; trying to make sure that what I wrote was as close to the authors point of view as possible; trying to understand what I had read before, trying to connect new ideas with old ideas. I've been making connections to my study, finding new ways of better interpreting research studies' results ... Trying to make sure I am correctly interpreting the writings of others, correctly summarizing, correctly connecting ...

Its been a long week, but also a productive one. Now I have the first draft of chapter 2. I know it will need more work. There are things that I will need to reword, things that I will need to add as I continue to read other references that are still waiting for me. But I think that I have a good beginning. Now it's time to see what others say!

My weekend flew away too fast and I am still reading the articles I identified. But it feels good! I am making new connections to what I had before, wondering how is it that I did not think about looking for papers on community building, collaboartion, knowledge construction, and such, before. It makes a lot more sense now! It is like finding a missing piece that I did not know was missing, and now my puzzle looks a lot better.

How much more would I like to do in one sitting!

Searching for articles, downloading them, and printing already takes a lot of time. Still, it needs to be done. -- Reading on the screen is hard, and I cannot get used to it yet. -- Well, I think I have enough articles already, now it is back to the reading phase. And then, I'll be able to write the last section of Chapter 2. It is going to be a really good feeling when the first draft is done! Chapter 3 is on my desk, waiting for revisions!

I suppose this Spanish saying would be the same as "If you build it, they will come!" -- Remember the Kevin Cosner movie? -- This is how I felt after going to the library this weekend. There is so much to read about --and to get distracted with -- that in order to be thorough I have decided to check the journals number by number, revising the table of contents and trying to read the abstracts of those articles that seem to have something to do with my topic. It is incredible, because the feeling of being lost I had last week is coming down. I have found great resources that allows me to continue and have a better idea of how I should keep going with Chapter 2.

Asking very specific questions, little questions, to my advisor has helped me a lot in getting things done. Can I use what I wrote before in chapter 2? How long should it be? Will chapter 2 in the proposal be the same as the one in the final dissertation? Writing makes me wonder about little things, some of which can make a big difference in how much I get done.

My dissertation topic is related to one of my lifelong interests, teaching mathematics, so sometimes it is more like adding a new chapter to what I have done before. Little papers from different courses give me something to add here and there: extracts, ideas, references that will hopefully help build a bigger picture.

Yesterday I came to a stop; I did not know how to continue, what to address next. Even though I had the outline to guide me, it did not make sense. I went back to the library and started searching in a specific journal/magazine title. I was trying to find a needle in a haze, a clue that could help me continue writing! At that time, I needed to do something and this kept me busy. In the back of my mind, I did not know what I was going to do, but I kept thinking of different possibilities.

When I wake up in the mornings, I always tell myself "Today is going to be a good day, a good day!" I convince myself that something good will happen, and try to work toward it. The strange thing was that last night, I had a dream of danger because of a missing ladder. It did not had to do with writing at all, but with families trying to find a place to play with their kids. And then I realized I had to think about the funnel Dr. Ferdig always talks about, and it hit me.

OK, now I know what topic I will cover next. What I need to do is figure out how I will connect it to what I had written already. That will be my next step!

When I took my first qualitative research course, we did a research on doctoral students' leisure time. The professor, Dr. Mirka Koro-Ljungberg had already completed the Institutional Review Board (IRB) documents for us and we went out to complete our first interviews ever (at least in my case). During that semester we also studied alternative ways of representing data, and taking the codes from the transcriptions of the interviews, I wrote the following poem:

Leisure! Is it possible? Reading, writing, working, caring, Where is my time? Where did it go? Searching, studying; studying, searching Is there a time for laughter and fun? Caring, working, writing, reading, Could there be a time, where there is no guilt To stop and refresh, to stop and relax A spiritual second, just on my own? Research, reread; research, rewrite As time flies away, days no longer here A time will come soon To walk near the shore of my favorite beach!

Writing chapter two is like a recursive process. I research and write, research and rewrite. I go back to the papers I've read so many times to read them again, to search for more ideas, to search for better ways of saying what I want to say. I read, I write, I reread, I rewrite. I go back to the library to check for more sources, to make sure I have what I need. -- Have I missed something? -- And I look at this poem on the wall by my desk, and it amazes me that I wrote it in Summer 2003 and now two years later it is still as true as it was before.

It has taken me a lot of time to get adjusted to the rhythm of the semester. After my qualifying exams (that ended last October 2005) I went into a slow stage. It was very hard to concentrate and get back to work. My friends, that had already finished their quals, told me I had to take a break. But I did not want to, I wanted to keep going, to work on my proposal and get as much done as possible, in the least amount of time -- and at the same time doing the best job possible. But it was really hard to concentrate, to sit and read for a couple of hours, to just go back and revise what I had done before.

Almost four months later, I am getting back to normal. It is a different routine when you have to decide what to do and when to do it. My internship in Europe, last summer, allowed me to look at life in a different way. Balance is important! You need to take time for your family, but also for yourself. And you need to schedule work time so you get things done.

I have realized that when I take time to myself -- to go out to a movie or for some ice cream; to have lunch with a friend; to go out and do some exercise or just go for a walk -- I am able to focus a lot better when I am back at my desk. Having time to relax clears my mind and allows me to concentrate a lot better and do much more than if I had tried to just work, work, and work.

Being far away from home is really hard and wanting to get back to my love ones becomes almost an obsession. But I need to realize that things take time, especially if you want them to be as good as possible, excellent you may say. Although I don't want to price myself, just do the best I could do.

Well, I was able to reach my goal! I have started Chapter 2. I write a little, pace a little, write a little, run an errand ... Little by little it is getting to the paper. Little by little ...

No, I did not go to the movies today. I decided to stay home and write a little more. I really want to finish this draft.

I am determined to start chapter 2 this weekend. I should have at least 5 pages by Sunday! How wonderful it will be. I have my outline, and Carol M. Roberts' book (The Dissertation Journey, 2004) by my side. I also pulled out some papers I wrote during these three years, and my qualifying exam papers. I have the purpose of my dissertation from chapter 1 and the list of variables I should write about. I am set ... to be critical, not only to summarize [[Easier said that done!!]].

Later today, I will go to the library and look at how others have started their chapter 2, but first I need to write something. My advisor says it is time!!! So, here I go ...

It is nerve breaking. I pace around trying to decide what to write first. I think that if I can get that first paragraph going, everything else will follow. Yes, with lots of revisions ... that's OK, that is part of the process, and I welcome all suggestions and take them seriously.

If I can make it, I will go to the movies on Sunday! I will let you know what I saw. :-)

My research project will analyze data from the The Math Forum. Since I am still writing my proposal, I go in once in a while to keep up to date with new resources in this web site. Today I really was surprised. They have updated their web site and look a lot more professional. Data is still there! I really got worried when I saw all the changes.